Saturday, August 29, 2009

Signing Off

Well, good traveler, the time swiftly approaches when you will become vastly superior to your current self. To facilitate this change, I must finish my preparations. I hope you learned something from this blog - a window into the mind of an artist, a genius, a Superhero. I don't know if I'll ever post again, but I wouldn't hold my breath.
I've heard it's best to close with a quote, so here is one from the greatest bard the world has seen:

Jimmy shoes busted both his legs, trying to learn to fly
From a second story window, he just jumped and closed his eyes
His momma said he was crazy - he said momma "I've got to try"
Don't you know that all my heroes died
And I guess I'd rather die than fade away
-Bon Jovi

Stay Super.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

What were we talking about?

I know you.
You've been thinking of or at least toyed with the idea of being a totally badass Superhero like Yours Truly. You feel a powerful arousal (which you claim is non-sexual) when you see a website advertising night vision, grappling hooks, miniaturized mechanical odds and ends, and all manner of other things which you think will prepare you for the various situations you will run into "on the street."
Lemme tell you somethin', champ - gadgets don't fight crime for you. They don't make you awesome. And riddle me this - how are you going to lug around all those specialized tools for the myriad different situations you'll encounter?
Did you ever notice that James Bond gets new gadgets every movie, but doesn't retain the stuff from the previous films? It's hard to look sexy when you're carrying 300 pounds of miniature flame throwers and diamond-tipped saws.
I'm not saying you go out there with just a pair of jeans and a t-shirt - you need certain tools. But you need just a handful of (mostly) primitive stuff. Logistics prevent you from carrying everything you "need." What are these basic tools, you ask? Come to class and find out!

Stay Super.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Application Termination

That's it, kids!
The application process is now over. For those that didn't make it on time, what the crap?
I'll be taking down the sidebar link and deleting the online application form after I'm done posting this. For accepted students, you will be receiving your acceptance packet with login and registration instructions in the mail soon (well, soonish).
Remind me to rap with you about gadgets later.

Stay Super.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Post Script

Oh, and a couple of other things:
  • The Military Channel has a new show, which is quite possibly the closest thing to perfect I've ever seen on TV. It's called Special Ops Mission, and if you don't make a serious effort to watch it, than you'll have earned yourself a punch in the face.
  • JT Awesomefellow's School of Superhero Arts is accepting applications until 11:59 PM tomorrow (Wednesday). Just to set aside any apprehensions, payment gets worked out later - there is no money due at the time of application.

Stay Super.

Go Forward, Move Ahead

I'm back from Miami, and I bring revelations. Come get philosophical with me.
One of the days I was at the beach, a storm or something the night before had caused the waves to go crazy. Huge, constant waves attacked far beyond their usual haunts and quickly retreated several yards back, revealing the large slope of sand beneath. Half the beach was closed off due to these dangerous tides.
When I first got there, no one dared enter the madness further than what would wet their ankles. But gradually, the more adventurous of us dared out into the angry sea, our bodies battered by its salty shoulders.
Later, thinking back on it, I got to thinking about survival and the testing of "limits." It was here that I had a revelation, dear reader - limits are only a perception, and a luxury you cannot afford yourself if you wish to survive. But here was the real revelation - the mental and physical act of pushing through one's "limits" in a survival situation is identical to that of pushing through one's "limits" in a session of really great intercoursing.
Let me explain.
We've all been in this situation, whether we'd like to admit it or not - you're up in there, you're working your wonder show, and you feel as though the curtain is about to close after just a few minutes (and by "curtain," I mean "penis," and by "close," I mean "explode"). But you, remembering who the hell you are, gather your will, reject defeat, push forward, balance on the edge of oblivion, and go on to intercourse for another hour or so after a terrible moment's effort and uncertainty.
Being caught in a seemingly unsurvivable situation requires just such an effort. You may think that there's no way you can lift that thing to get out, that you can't hold your breath any longer, that the pain is too great to keep moving, that there are too many of them and only one of you - and as soon as such a thought enters your mind, you must banish it to the furthest regions of nothingness, remember the strength of who you are and what your name is (if you are the embodiment of the ability to accomplish impossible tasks and call upon seemingly limitless reserves - otherwise, just think positive thoughts, I guess), gather your will, reject defeat, push forward, balance on the edge of oblivion, and come out alive.

Stay Super.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Like Willie said...

Hey, Party People.
I'm currently on my way to Miami for a week on Superhero business. I'll be away from my computing box (see also, intercoursing) most, if not all, of the time.

Stay Super.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

The World Needs a Hero

In this thing called life, it's good to have heroes. Not just the Super kind, such as myself, but personal heroes - those we can look up to, emulate, and think of in our times of weakness as a source of strength. I have tried out various personal heroes throughout my life - He-Man, Splinter, Chuck Norris, Clint Eastwood, M.K. Gandhi, Bruce Lee, Eastwood a few more times - but none quite met the measure of what I needed. When I examined my life and everyone I had heard of throughout it, there was only one person - fictional or non - worthy of my emulation.
I am my own personal hero, and a damn fine one at that. At my weak moments (few though they are, especially these days), I look up to myself, think of the accomplishments and trials that JT Awesomefellow has faced in the past, and I think, "Man - that's somebody I want to be - a man of seemingly unlimited strength, endurance, fortitude, character, and charm."
Being your own personal hero keeps you on track, because of all people betwixt heaven and earth, you certainly don't want to let yourself down. And, if you are sufficiently amazing, then you will always set a high bar for yourself to live up to.
In the meantime, feel free to put me on your personal hero pedestal. I won't let you down.

It has come to my attention that some of my future students need more time for the application process. As such, I am extending the deadline by one week, you lucky Do-Gooders.

Stay Super.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Out on Highway 61

There is a trend coming out of Hollywood that I've noticed.
These days, it's fashionable to talk about how killing leaves soldiers emotionally scarred and killing a man is such an awful thing. Several movies from Clint Eastwood, badass extraordinaire, for example, exhibit this behavior.
"But JT!," you exclaim, "Surely you are not about to contradict Clint Eastwood, the Lord of Men, the Banner of the Good and Light, the Man Who Played Dirty Harry?!"
I assure you, dear reader, that I will not, nor will I ever.
However, some people get the idea watching these movies, I'm sure, that all killing is some awful thing.
This is wrong.
Killing in war messes up a lot of people (in more ways than one). The problem with killing somebody in a war is that they're not necessarily an evil, rotten, shit person - they're just like you, only on the other side. They're just someone who happened to be born in a certain time and place that called for them to pick up a gun and join their nation in an armed conflict against some other nation, just like you. Killing in war is like looking into the mirror and pulling the trigger at what you see.

But this is not the only kind of killing there is, nor does this describe the only sort of opponent.
Take your average junkie or crackhead. This is a person that will break into a car for pocket change or pawn their relative's goods while they're at the hospital getting treated for a life-threatening disease. These are the people that look for your friends and family as they walk the street at night, knowing they don't know any better, and exchanging violence for hard-earned goods. And for what? Not for an ideal or to protect their country or because they were forced to - because they need a hit.
Take your average mob tough - Italian, Irish, Hispanic, doesn't matter. This is a person who could be making an honest living, but instead decided they'd rather become filthy rich by pretending to be a friend to their community but bleeding it instead.
Take your average rapist. And destroy them completely, utterly, and slowly.
Your average drug dealer.
Gang member.

The list of scum goes on and on, but they are all, ultimately, better off not being around. This isn't some little girl in another country made to carry a grenade into your camp - these are people who have made choices that involve harming good people for their own selfish benefit. Do people change? Sure - maybe 1 in 10,000 becomes a genuine good guy. Are those odds you want to play? And what happens in the meantime? For every one of these bad guys, many, many good people must be wronged. A druggie doesn't need cash for just one hit, they need a stream of income for a stream of hits. If you only stop the actions of one repeat offender - just one - you don't just prevent one crime, you prevent probably years or even decades of violence, thefts, killings, or worse.
"Is it wrong to take a life?" That's a poorly framed question. It ignores the nuances of reality. How about, "If you have the ability to save a multitude of the good by destroying a handful of corrupt individuals, is it conscionable to do otherwise?"
I've seen hard questions before. That isn't one of them.

Tomorrow's the last day to apply!

Stay Super.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Putting it all together

Things have really come together with the school. I'll probably be posting a lot less in the next few weeks up until school starts, and then maybe not at all after it does. We'll see.
Once accepted, you can register for classes using the information provided in your acceptance packet. Classes do not run on a traditional schedule - we fit a lot of classes into one year, so they are all very short, very intense courses that last much less than a usual semester. Also, don't worry about one class conflicting with another - there is no overlap (there can't be, since I'm the only professor).
All of the courses I teach are important, so most of them are required, but there are some electives to choose from to suit and shape your particular style. You'll find more information in your packet.
One last thing - during class, everyone is required to wear a mask. These will be provided for you - you may not bring your own mask (until you have taken our class in which you make your own).

Stay Super.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Walking the Gauntlet

A good way to get an idea of what you're going to be working with as a Superhero is to ignore some of your mother's perfectly sound advice.
Go for a walk late at night. In a bad neighborhood. And talk to strangers.
You should have learned a little about the "mind" of criminals before you do this, the anatomy of how a crime happens, and be confident in self-defense and the use of that knife you'll be carrying. These are just precautionary measures, though, to help you make it through unscathed and be confident enough and smart enough to get the most out of the experience.
It's important to see real bad guys in their natural habitat, so you know it's not all just fiction.
  • The older guy smoking crack who asks if you've ever been with a man and says he really likes your hair, then insists he knows a shortcut to where you're going, even though you were walking in a straight line perpendicular to where he'd like you to go (This is the first time I knew why my Kindergarten teachers told me shortcuts were dangerous).
  • The dirty, unattractive prostitute who asks you a few throw-away questions before coming right out and asking "So you wanna have sex?", and then the burly pimp who approaches you after you decline to ask if "You cool?".
  • The group of guys who shake your hand and ask if you want some drug or other (why do drug dealers and the like so often mumble? What kind of salesmanship is that?). They're friendly enough, until a van pulls up housing a wiry man with intense, murderous eyes that stare at them from the passenger side.
You'll be surprised what you can come across in just one night.

Stay Super.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Herowood, here I come

Heard something groovy yesterday - seems a friend of a friend is in the movies business and interested in doing a documentary on the school. Nothing official or solid yet, but I can't see how anyone wouldn't want to make a movie about what I'm doing.
Man, I love New York.

Just a few days left to get in your application! There's still a few more slots open, so get'em while there're there!

Stay Super.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

It's not me, it's you

Why do so many girls/women expect a one- or two-time (though twice is dangerous territory) wham session to turn into a "relationship"? This is one of the many perils of being a Superhero - becoming tied down by females.
As a saver of lives and livelihoods, you will be doing a lot of intercoursing - it's one of the more notable perks of the profession. Every so often, you may come across a specimen of femality that is especially ripe and tasty and you think, "Hey - that was pretty good - maybe I should keep her around a little while."
This is a common newbie mistake.
Superheroes live on the edge and go where and when they are needed. They can't be dragged down by someone who makes nonsensical complaints about you not being around, about your "insensitivity" (which is a bad thing to some people? I guess?), about your refusal to take off the mask, etc. Also, they soak up your time, these females. They latch on like a barnacle, cutting in to your training, patrolling, and wham time with new females.
Having a "relationship" as a Superhero (or as most anyone, I imagine) is like having a knife stuck in you - it slows you down, it's a real pain to try to do anything you like when it's there, and it threatens to bleed you dry if you want to get rid of it.

Stay Super.
And single.

Monday, August 3, 2009

The Ticking Clock

Only two more weeks before the application deadline!

Stay Super.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Ok - quick amendment to something i said earlier.
police radios can be sueful for finding out if there are police coming to where you are or are near you. having a scanner in your ear could give you a heads up to know if you're about to be in, say, a nasty crossfire between some gangbangers and the boys in blue.
also - diy gsw fixer upper? not fun.

Stay Super.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Because you can't save the world with your underwear over your pants

So, you want to be a Superhero?
Naturally, the first two things you probably thought about were a) your Superhero name and b) your totally boss outfit.
It really doesn't matter what you call yourself since nobody will probably ever know the name except you, so let's talk about the costume.
You don't get to teleport to where a crime is happening - you have to walk out of your apartment, walk down the street (traveling by rooftop is a great idea until you have to cross a two-lane street [they have those now, y'know]), wander all over the place, wait in different areas for extended periods of time, and then maybe you get to stomp on some crackhead's ribs. So if you're wearing bright primary colored skin tight pajamas with a cape, people will notice. It's hard to blend in with that stuff. And that's what we want. We want to move freely - and this means going unnoticed, by cops and criminals alike.
Also, wearing a cape makes you an idiot. Unless you're a vampire, which is kind of like being an idiot.
But I digress.
The best outfit is one that:
  • either is or can rapidly be converted to look like normal street clothes (or whatever clothing is appropriate for the social/business environment you're working in)
  • has some elements of camouflage (non-solid colors, dark, etc)
  • is easily forgettable
  • is tough (denim is your friend, not to mention the concealed vest and kevlar sleeves under your clothes)
***Quick tip: red is the first color to turn black as the light decreases. So, if you want to wear dark clothing without looking suspicious by wearing all black (say, for instance, if a cop sees you), you can mix it up with some red, which people tend to think of as a color that stands out (a psychological trick).
As for the mask to disguise yourself, I use something small and nondescript (not the one currently featured in my profile picture) that I can replace easily. It should be something that you can stuff in a pocket, that goes on and off quickly and easily, doesn't block your vision (including the vital peripheries) or other senses, and any light protection it can give you is a bonus. It can have some style, but don't overdo it.

Stay Super.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Pipe Dreams

Alright, let me tell you a little something about sewers.
Now, in the movies and on TV, sewers are always these places that a) have walkways on the sides so you don't have to walk in someone's toilet water and b) have manhole covers that are wafer-thin and a simple matter to move.
This is wrong.
If you plan on sneaking through a (sanitary) sewer, do not expect anything to walk on. Chances are you will find yourself in the muck. Piece of advice: wear clothes and shoes you won't mind parting with, because once you get back to your apartment and find that there is a small hunk of some New York City stranger's poo on your favorite jeans, you'll never be able to where them again. Or probably anything you wore that night.
And manhole covers? HEAVY. They're giant discs of cast iron, and can weigh up to 350 pounds, if memory serves (though some can be light enough). The first time you have that as your only remotely realistic way out of place you don't wanna be, you're not going to be happy.
A few other things:
  • NEVER NEVER NEVER go into a sewer if it's raining or may rain in the near future. It's a very easy way to drown in a place you really don't want to die.
  • I've managed to avoid rats in all my travels through some miracle, but you should always be wary of them. They're highly territorial and packs of them have been known to take down small cattle.
  • Really, don't go into a sanitary sewer if you can avoid it. It's totally gross. You won't feel anything near clean for at least a week or two. And you have to worry about catching all kinds of nasty diseases.
  • Bring a flashlight (a lighter isn't gonna cut it) with fresh batteries. And a knife.
  • As a general tip, pipes get larger in the direction the "water" is flowing (to accommodate more and more water). So if your pipe is small and you're going against the flow, you should be looking for a way out.

Stay Super.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Heroes in the house (of their own)

To all accepted and prospective students:
The JT Awesomefellow School of Superhero Arts (JASSA) does NOT offer room/board accommodations of any kind. This is an intense, year-long program of study that will meet frequently. If you are coming from out of town/state, you MUST arrange for a place to stay on your own. JASSA recommends staying with family, friends, or even other students.
A word of caution: living in NYC is expensive. Please take this into account when deciding whether or not you can afford to take these classes.

Stay Super.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

To Serve and Protect You From Protecting Each Other

Let me start this off by saying that I have nothing but the utmost respect, admiration, and appreciation for the police, FBI, military, etc.
There is something very strange in our society, and in most others. It is a very strange thing, and yet so commonplace that we take it for granted and never think about it.
The people are protected by the police officers. Fine - good stuff. The people are protected only by the police officers. The people may not protect each other without being a police officer, and if they do, they are subject to punishment by police officers.
We all know that helping people is a good thing - that it's the right thing. We can all understand that not everyone can defend themself against every situation, regardless of how hard they fight. We also understand that the police can't be everywhere and there are some places they aren't even "allowed" to go. That's where the vigilante comes in.
In a world where it's illegal to do what's right, what do you do?
What are you up to, say, tonight, for example?

Stay Super.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

The Good, the Bad, and the Intense, Searing Pain

Saw Public Enemies the other day. There are no spoilers ahead, so don't worry.
At one point, a bad guy has been shot in the head and is in the hospital. He's screaming in pain because the bullet is pushing against his eye and inflaming his brain. One FBI guy is keeping the doctor out while another is pushing on the bad guy's eye, trying to get him to reveal some pressing (no pun intended) information. The main character seems uncomfortable with this, and it seems the intention was that the audience be so as well.
All I have to say is, Why should we be?
Let's look at the setup:
We have a crook, who regularly kills and badly maims people, mostly police officers (who protect the innocent). He deals out incredible damage and pain on a regular basis, pain similar to what he is experiencing now. He chose to do this for his own benefit - he is not a soldier or some fighter of injustice - he is a thief who has grown wealthy and comfortable on a mound of blood and skulls.
We have an FBI agent, who is trying to prevent others like this man from killing and maiming even more innocent people. He is enhancing the crook's pain - the pain being a direct result of his criminal lifestyle choice - to prevent people who have chosen good lives from suffering.
Is it okay to hurt someone who hurts others to keep good people from being hurt? Is it okay to protect and coddle someone bad if it will result in the pain and deaths of the good?
Stupid Hollywood.

Stay Super.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The Great Debate

Anyone involved in martial arts, fighting styles, etc. on any level will often find themselves endlessly debating the same thing all other fighters do - what is the best martial art form?
Most people who have only studied one form will be dead sure that the form they are studying is, hands down, the best. For people who have studied more than one form, they'll generally leverage their world of experience to tell you that what they are currently working on is the best (otherwise, why would they be doing it?). Then there's people who just read about fighting and/or watch the Discovery/History/Learning Channel and figure they know all there is to know.
Let me break it down for you, so you don't get sucked into this eternal debate (though it helps pass the time at boring parties):
  1. The flashier, fancier, and/or more air-time involved, the less likely something is to be a good choice in a real life situation
  2. If something is used by a bad-ass military, it's probably worth your time (see Krav Maga, MCMAP)
  3. If you're being taught to kick much above someone's waist, your instructor has no worth as a human being
  4. Straightening an arm or leg invites your opponent to break it
  5. If the only knife defense they teach you is defense against someone bringing the knife down on you from above (as opposed to straight at you), they aren't teaching you a knife defense
  6. If the martial art is used in competition, it's probably not fit for the street
  7. Kicking someone in the winnebago is NOT a good opening move
  8. Don't bother with books about ninjutsu or being a ninja, regardless of what any "actual ninja" reviewer says on Amazon.
  9. Nothing is better than sex with Dr. JT Awesomefellow, D.S. (if you are female and attractive)

Stay Super.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Yes, there is a doctor in the house

People sure are sissies about renting out spaces for these classes. There's all this talk of general liability insurance and certification and man, does it give me a headache. Also, renting a space in NYC? Not so cheap.
Why can't it just be, "Oh, you have something wonderful to give the world? We'll be happy to help in any way we can! Also, don't worry about paying for it! Also, here is my daughter!"
But no, it's always "Exactly what kind of classes are these? ...Uh huh, and - the students are going to be doing what?"
But fear not, good citizen, the classes will begin this Fall, regardless of how the so-called civilized world would prefer it.
In other news, I've decided that it is possible to become a Doctor of Superherology (D.S.) through my school, and that I am the first one. My full and proper title is now Dr. JT Awesomefellow, D.S. However, since I am very humble by nature, I will permit my students to address me with shortened titles, such as Dr. Awesomefellow, Professor Awesomefellow, and perhaps some worthwhile nicknames if the student isn't too much of a little punk.

Stay Super.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Pet Peeve #574

Okay, so let me tell you about something that makes me want to punch people in the face.
A lot of people. You're probably one of them, so read on and watch out.
  1. Book is published.
  2. People read book.
  3. Movie version of book is made.
  4. People who read book see movie. People who did not read book see movie.
  5. People who read book feel they are qualitatively better than people who did not read book.
So first off, eat a dick. Second off, so what if I didn't read the book? And what puts you in some elite club? You're just pissed because you went through the trouble of reading all that only to have other people get the same thing easier, quicker, and with more fun (because it's a movie, not a book).
You're not smarter than us, you're not on some insider's track, you don't possess sacred knowledge, you probably don't even have very good hygiene. You just read a book that happened to be turned into a movie. Does anyone care if you read a book that wasn't turned into a movie? Did it matter that you'd read that book before they said they were turning it into a movie? NO! It's just a book! Who cares!?

Stay Super. And not a dick.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Crime and Punishment

I'd like to philosophize with you a moment.
As a crime fighter, what is the best way fight crime?
If you see a crime in progress, is it enough to simply stop the crime from occurring? To let the attractive female or diminutive male walk away with their person or goods mostly intact? This is the obvious and primary goal, but what about the thief, crackhead, rapist, murderer, etc. that put this scene into motion? How does one deal with them?
Someone once said something to the tune of:
If someone strikes us, I believe we should strike back. We must - so hard that they never strike us again.
With a lot of criminals, if you stop them from committing one crime, they're just going to go out and commit another - as if they'd gone to one store that didn't have what they needed, so they have to try another.
If we are truly fighters of crime, then what do we do about this? A friend once read a book that took place in a future where criminals had warnings of their past crimes tattooed in large letters across their forehead. While I like this idea, it's not very practical for just one person to do.
How could you prevent someone ever committing a crime again, and maybe even using them as a warning to others?
People get put in prison all the time and when they get out (because they've been in prison) no one will hire them, so they often end up even more likely to commit a crime.
Also, think of the person that they were attacking. Some types of crime really screw up a person, sometimes for life. It results in a feeling of fear and powerlessness.
Is there any way to give them their power (and life) back before it ruins them? Is there any way that you can make sure that the criminal never does anything like that again?
I'll leave it to you to think about.

Stay Super.

PS - Just under a month until the deadline for applications!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009


"Most people have the will to win, few people have the will to prepare to win."

-Bobby Knight, American basketball coach

Monday, July 13, 2009

Regarding Chivalry

As you save lives and defend the innocent, you will find that something unique can happen when you save a member of the finer sex. They've just suffered a traumatic event, they're feeling very vulnerable, you've just saved their life, you are their hero - it is the classic situation that they have been taught to crave their entire life, from storybook fairy tales up until adulthood.
This is where being a gentleman comes into play. One should always have a code of chivalry and this is one of the more concrete examples of putting it into play. Always have several condoms on your person at all times. It puts her at ease about womanly matters, it puts you at ease about what malicious creatures might have taken up arms in her nethers and are waiting to pounce upon your noble member.
Always keep several with you - occasions for intercoursing are like the homeless - they're everywhere, and frequently in places you'd never expect.

Stay Super.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Pet Peeve #573

Okay - I want to talk to you about something that a) girls often do and b) is stupid.
Callous removal. The removal of callouses. That's what we're talking about.
Now, I've known a lot of females in my day, and get very personal with more all the time, and they almost all share the same misguided opinion:
Callouses are not supposed to be there and should be eliminated. Some even go so far as to say that they're "gross."
FACT: Callouses (which are toughened areas of skin, for the hoes at home) are there because your body (which is apparently smarter than you, by some strange twist) has determined that they need to be.
Callouses are, actually, awesome. Let me tell you a story. There was this guy in China a few decades back. He punched a block of steel 1,000 times every day for many years (along with a martial arts training regimen) - were he to punch anything less than steel, it would shatter. The local authorities were having some trouble with (read: couldn't handle) gangs, so they call in the guy. Using his skill and awesomely hardened fists, he, shall we say, dealt with the matter. Do you think he would have been as effective if he had used a pumice stone daily to remove "unsightly callouses" on his knuckles?
Your body builds callouses because it needs them. If you walk barefoot on rough terrain, you build up callouses to protect your tender little toes. If your hands don't have callouses, people can safely assume you don't work for a living.
I won't get into the callouses I've built in other places, but let's just say that moving parts in contact require lubrication.

Stay Super.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

How the story began...

Origin stories.
All Superheroes have them, right? So what's mine?
I was never exposed to radioactivity, found a magical item, suffered some terrible event, or became infused with alien technology (unless you count cologne made by foreigners).
Growing up, I always had an interest in training and preparing myself. Even as a wee grade-schooler, I would study martial arts flicks and practice the moves, jump over and climb on anything I could find, get into little fights, and push myself to the limit. I read about the tactics of ninja and Navy SEALS, assassins (did you know that the word "assassin" comes from the word "hashishin," because assassins were originally paid in hashish?) and thieves, Native Americans and ...there's nothing that pairs well with Native Americans, but you get the idea.
Then one day I turned around and said "What's all this for? What's the point of knowing sword play or knife throwing these days? Have I been wasting my life? What has all this been building towards?"
But I knew the answer. All boys know the answer. I was becoming the ultimate, perfect guerrilla weapon against street crime.
There was nothing dramatic to when I got started. One night, I just went out, almost daring myself. And little by little, like anything else, it just became the thing I did.
I guess that some guys play online poker at night and some beat up criminals and throw them in a dumpster.

Stay Super.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Post-Fourth Post

Fireworks scare the crap out of me.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

You've got to apply yourself

If you look to your right, you will notice that you can now apply to the school online. The due date is August 15, but admission is on a first-come, first-served basis, so don't dawdle!

Stay Super.

Monday, June 29, 2009

I'm Super! Thanks for asking!

There seems to be a lot of confusion around the word "Superhero" - we're gonna clear that up right now.

You don't need superpowers to be a Superhero.
A Superhero is someone willing to go outside the normal channels of law to do what is right. A Superhero is a normal person that dedicates their life to stopping wrong-doings however they can. Superheroes use their skills - natural and learned - to stop the misuse of power wherever they see it.
They are not in ideological conflict with law enforcement or the military- they are complimentary. The law and its typical method of enforcement is a system and, just like any system, can be beaten. The Superhero works outside this system and can break the laws of a society in the interest of that society.
The Superhero is the ultimate philanthropist, freely giving their time, effort, resources, and sometimes even their life to the good of the people, usually without anyone even knowing their name.
Helping the people and eliminating wickedness are the ultimate goals of the Superhero.

Stay Super.

PS - I'll try to get a form or something up soon for applying to the school and link to it from this blog.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Neither teenage, mutant, nor ninja

Let me tell you about turtles, because there are some things you need to know.
  • "A turtle’s organs do not gradually break down or become less efficient over time... the liver, lungs and kidneys of a centenarian turtle are virtually indistinguishable from those of its teenage counterpart"
  • “They can turn [their heart] on and off essentially at will”
  • Turtles have colonized "every continent save Antarctica"
  • They live in "deserts; rainforests; oceans; rivers; bogs; mountains"
  • Turtles predate snakes, crocodiles, and dinosaurs
  • Some forest-dwelling turtles "can spot a lake or pond a mile in the distance"
  • "The great leatherback sea turtle... can measure seven feet long and weigh 2,000 pounds"
  • "Scavenger turtles that live in the Ganges River devour human remains"

Leatherback Turtles Lay Eggs

Ants are also totally suite in different ways than turtles, but we'll talk about them another day.

(Fun facts about turtles taken from this article)

Stay Super.

Friday, June 26, 2009


Here's what I've come up with for the courses (grouped by rough similarity):

Intro Superherology
--Law for Superheroes
--Leading two lives
--Tools of the trade
--Finding crime and criminals
--Names, costumes, and symbols
Machining and fabrication

Hand to hand
Knife fighting and throwing
Fire and explosives

To kill or not to kill
Dealing with pain and torture
First-Aid for yourself and others

Stealth and invisibility
Intelligence gathering

Entry and exodus
Parkour/urban climbing
Jumps, flips, falls, and rolls

I'd been toying with the idea of a class that talked about Heroing in a rural environment, but decided against it (after all, the classes will be taught in NYC). It's a lot to fit into one year, but intensity builds character.

Stay Super.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Sew you want to be a Superhero?

Note: The following may be a little graphic and gross for some, as it deals with the trials and tribulations of giving one's self stitches/sutures. It should also be noted that this is NOT medical advice. Long story short, if you vomit or disfigure yourself thanks to this blog's content, always remember that I warned you.

Being an underground do-gooder has its problems. Besides, of course, the difficulty of finding a job like mine where you only have to work a few days a month to support yourself, you also have trouble getting decent medical care. Say, for example, you get a little cut up by some jerk in the process of dealing with him (or her). If you go to the hospital, somebody might put 2 and 2 together (and get you!). Maybe not the first time, but eventually your wounds will be put together with the masked person that some crackhead said he "defended himself" against.

The first few times I ever gave myself stitches (aka, sutures), I did it with waxed floss (Mmmm, minty!). I don't know why I did this - I think I heard it was a good idea somewhere?
At first, all I could find was this huge 5-inch needle. Why did I have a 5-inch needle? Why do they even make 5-inch needles? I really don't know. Maybe some apartments come with them. So anyway, I thread my needle, push it through. Well, try to push it through. Despite its pointiness, there is no progress. The needle bends as it drives itself into the thumb I'm using to push it (this is the night I realized that thimbles actually do serve some practical purpose). I fashioned a (very poor) makeshift thimble out of a soda cap I found. With the huge needle as dull as it was, the skin wasn't so much being pierced as mashed. With my ruined flesh becoming pulverized almost unto the point of being gelatinous, I decided that this was not the tool for the job.
I doubled my efforts to find a decent needle and found a normal-sized one with just the slightest bend to it. After a few passes through the wound, it broke (the needle, not the wound). So now I have a tiny piece of broken metal stuck in my arm. Which is why the universe supplies us with needle-nose pliers. Large amounts of hydrogen peroxide are also available for an additional fee.
So far, not a great night.
So I redoubled my efforts to find another normal needle and found one in a button-fixing kit, if I remember correctly. I was on my third or fourth makeshift thimble by now, having discovered that broad flat surfaces were useless, large erasers were roughly useless, etc. This time, it was a thin piece of semi-hard packaging plastic. After a little effort, the needle decided not to have its sharp end go into where it was needed, but rather to have its dull end go straight through the plastic thimble and draw blood from my thumb. Come on - the tip of the needle wouldn't break the skin, but the dull end would?
The universe had clearly pooped on me.
Eventually, I got the damn thing done and tied it all up. Of course, despite my liberal use of hydrogen peroxide during the operation and in the following days, an amazing infection broke out - very icky. Culprit? Pretty sure it was the wax in the floss.

These days I've got my system down pretty well. How has my method evolved over the years to where it is today?
Wax floss --> Fishing line (kept with a set of small, sharp needles)
Makeshift thimble --> Holding the needle with needle-nose pliers
Hydrogen peroxide/Rubbing alcohol --> Good scrub in and around the wound with with soap and water, rinsed, and carefully dried (unless the wound is bleeding a lot, then things are a bit more dicey, but you still have to clean it)
Square knot --> Surgeon's knot

I should have the course listing ready to post soon.

Stay Super.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Of evil-doers and the twiddling of thumbs

Did you ever notice how superheroes always just happen to be around when crimes are taking place?
If you haven't heard, let me be the first to tell you - being a superhero can be booooring.
How boring? Have you ever waited in line for 10 minutes? It's like that, only instead of having a person behind you, it's a dirty alley, and instead of having a person in front of you, it's a dumpster, and instead of 10 minutes, it's 6 hours.
Also, you have to pee.
Sometimes movies try to make it more "real" by having the heroes listen in to police scanners, but if the cops are on their way, it's being taken care of, and you usually won't get there before them anyway. (Random thought - why does no one ever just follow the batmobile home? It's not like it blends in with the other cars.)
Yes, you get better at anything the more you do it, and technology certainly doesn't hurt to point you in the right direction, but some nights it's just like COME ON! Somebody get mugged already! Where are the days when New York was seething with pain and the vilest of human nature - a city whose screams were bursting at the seams of the pillow being used to smother it? Now, we're about even with Boise, Idaho.
Well, maybe tonight will be better.

Stay Super.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Get your learn on

Hey, Party People.
The store is now up and running (or at least walking briskly).
All items are hand-picked by yours truly and have met my rigorous quality standards (which include, but are not limited to, Will it work on the street?, Can I learn it in a reasonable amount of time and effort?, and/or Will I look great doing it [mainly for the Wushu flips and such]?). As a result, it's not a very big store - but that means less sifting through useless crap on your part and cutting straight to the good stuff. Also, there's movies - suite!
While I recommend everything, I have to give a special shout out to something you might otherwise overlook, A Glossary of the Construction, Decoration and Use of Arms and Armor: in All Countries and in All Times. It's a great book full of information and pictures of interesting weapons from throughout the world and time (not so much guns, though - see previous post). It's one of those books where you pick it up and suddenly it's dark out and you've lost three hours of your life. If you have even the slightest interest in weaponry, add it to your collection. Or coffee table - makes an excellent conversation piece, whatever that means.

Is anyone else shamelessly excited about G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra? Because I know I am.

Stay Super.

Swords vs. Guns - which is cooler/better?

I have this swords vs. guns argument all the time with people, and I'm sure you do too.
For most people of character and intelligence, the answer is obvious:
Swords are totally sweet. Let me break it down for you:
  • Swords don't need to be reloaded. Swords don't run out of ammo.
  • Swords look awesome, and you look awesome using them.
  • Swords don't need a silencer - they are the silencer.
  • A guy that chooses to use a sword in an age of guns is clearly someone you don't want to fight.
  • Swords can remove heads (and other limbs) with style.
  • Swords have a history, harking back thousands of years.
  • Swords are precision instruments - innocent bystanders are rarely killed when a swordfight breaks out.
  • Swords, unlike most guns, are excellent medium-close-range weapons.

Then there's guns.
  • They're lame. And also loud.

Think about it - how many totally sweet gunfights have you seen in movies? Outside of Equilibrium, not many. How many totally sweet swordfights have you seen? A crapload.
What's the first weapon every boy forges from his surroundings? That's right - pick up a stick, and it's a sword. See? It's instinct. It's in our blood.

Swords are awesome.

I'm going to try and post some course listings and a bookstore-front thing in the next few days. Stay tuned - the you you always wished you were awaits!

Saturday, June 20, 2009

In the beginning...

I'm doing this blog to document the founding of my new school,
JT Awesomefellow's School of Superhero Arts.
I'll talk about me (JT), what's happening with getting the school started, and more. Stay tuned, and you might get to witness some of my process in action!
The school will work to pass the crime fighting torch to the next generation. It will take one year of night and weekend classes to become a certified Superhero.
There's no radiation or mutations involved (I get a lot of stupid questions about that) just me teaching the incredible set of skills I've gathered over my life, like fighting, climbing, interrogation, and more! You'll learn to save lives and then disappear into the night.
Students should be in good shape and at least 18 years old (it won't hurt if your hot too ;)