Note: The following may be a little graphic and gross for some, as it deals with the trials and tribulations of giving one's self stitches/sutures. It should also be noted that this is NOT medical advice. Long story short, if you vomit or disfigure yourself thanks to this blog's content, always remember that I warned you.
Being an underground do-gooder has its problems. Besides, of course, the difficulty of finding a job like mine where you only have to work a few days a month to support yourself, you also have trouble getting decent medical care. Say, for example, you get a little cut up by some jerk in the process of dealing with him (or her). If you go to the hospital, somebody might put 2 and 2 together (and get you!). Maybe not the first time, but eventually your wounds will be put together with the masked person that some crackhead said he "defended himself" against.
The first few times I ever gave myself stitches (aka, sutures), I did it with waxed floss (Mmmm, minty!). I don't know why I did this - I think I heard it was a good idea somewhere?
At first, all I could find was this huge 5-inch needle. Why did I have a 5-inch needle? Why do they even make 5-inch needles? I really don't know. Maybe some apartments come with them. So anyway, I thread my needle, push it through. Well, try to push it through. Despite its pointiness, there is no progress. The needle bends as it drives itself into the thumb I'm using to push it (this is the night I realized that thimbles actually do serve some practical purpose). I fashioned a (very poor) makeshift thimble out of a soda cap I found. With the huge needle as dull as it was, the skin wasn't so much being pierced as mashed. With my ruined flesh becoming pulverized almost unto the point of being gelatinous, I decided that this was not the tool for the job.
I doubled my efforts to find a decent needle and found a normal-sized one with just the slightest bend to it. After a few passes through the wound, it broke (the needle, not the wound). So now I have a tiny piece of broken metal stuck in my arm. Which is why the universe supplies us with needle-nose pliers. Large amounts of hydrogen peroxide are also available for an additional fee.
So far, not a great night.
So I redoubled my efforts to find another normal needle and found one in a button-fixing kit, if I remember correctly. I was on my third or fourth makeshift thimble by now, having discovered that broad flat surfaces were useless, large erasers were roughly useless, etc. This time, it was a thin piece of semi-hard packaging plastic. After a little effort, the needle decided not to have its sharp end go into where it was needed, but rather to have its dull end go straight through the plastic thimble and draw blood from my thumb. Come on - the tip of the needle wouldn't break the skin, but the dull end would?
The universe had clearly pooped on me.
Eventually, I got the damn thing done and tied it all up. Of course, despite my liberal use of hydrogen peroxide during the operation and in the following days, an amazing infection broke out - very icky. Culprit? Pretty sure it was the wax in the floss.
These days I've got my system down pretty well. How has my method evolved over the years to where it is today?
Wax floss --> Fishing line (kept with a set of small, sharp needles)
Makeshift thimble --> Holding the needle with needle-nose pliers
Hydrogen peroxide/Rubbing alcohol --> Good scrub in and around the wound with with soap and water, rinsed, and carefully dried (unless the wound is bleeding a lot, then things are a bit more dicey, but you still have to clean it)
Square knot --> Surgeon's knot
I should have the course listing ready to post soon.
Stay Super.
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