Saturday, August 29, 2009

Signing Off

Well, good traveler, the time swiftly approaches when you will become vastly superior to your current self. To facilitate this change, I must finish my preparations. I hope you learned something from this blog - a window into the mind of an artist, a genius, a Superhero. I don't know if I'll ever post again, but I wouldn't hold my breath.
I've heard it's best to close with a quote, so here is one from the greatest bard the world has seen:

Jimmy shoes busted both his legs, trying to learn to fly
From a second story window, he just jumped and closed his eyes
His momma said he was crazy - he said momma "I've got to try"
Don't you know that all my heroes died
And I guess I'd rather die than fade away
-Bon Jovi

Stay Super.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

What were we talking about?

I know you.
You've been thinking of or at least toyed with the idea of being a totally badass Superhero like Yours Truly. You feel a powerful arousal (which you claim is non-sexual) when you see a website advertising night vision, grappling hooks, miniaturized mechanical odds and ends, and all manner of other things which you think will prepare you for the various situations you will run into "on the street."
Lemme tell you somethin', champ - gadgets don't fight crime for you. They don't make you awesome. And riddle me this - how are you going to lug around all those specialized tools for the myriad different situations you'll encounter?
Did you ever notice that James Bond gets new gadgets every movie, but doesn't retain the stuff from the previous films? It's hard to look sexy when you're carrying 300 pounds of miniature flame throwers and diamond-tipped saws.
I'm not saying you go out there with just a pair of jeans and a t-shirt - you need certain tools. But you need just a handful of (mostly) primitive stuff. Logistics prevent you from carrying everything you "need." What are these basic tools, you ask? Come to class and find out!

Stay Super.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Application Termination

That's it, kids!
The application process is now over. For those that didn't make it on time, what the crap?
I'll be taking down the sidebar link and deleting the online application form after I'm done posting this. For accepted students, you will be receiving your acceptance packet with login and registration instructions in the mail soon (well, soonish).
Remind me to rap with you about gadgets later.

Stay Super.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Post Script

Oh, and a couple of other things:
  • The Military Channel has a new show, which is quite possibly the closest thing to perfect I've ever seen on TV. It's called Special Ops Mission, and if you don't make a serious effort to watch it, than you'll have earned yourself a punch in the face.
  • JT Awesomefellow's School of Superhero Arts is accepting applications until 11:59 PM tomorrow (Wednesday). Just to set aside any apprehensions, payment gets worked out later - there is no money due at the time of application.

Stay Super.

Go Forward, Move Ahead

I'm back from Miami, and I bring revelations. Come get philosophical with me.
One of the days I was at the beach, a storm or something the night before had caused the waves to go crazy. Huge, constant waves attacked far beyond their usual haunts and quickly retreated several yards back, revealing the large slope of sand beneath. Half the beach was closed off due to these dangerous tides.
When I first got there, no one dared enter the madness further than what would wet their ankles. But gradually, the more adventurous of us dared out into the angry sea, our bodies battered by its salty shoulders.
Later, thinking back on it, I got to thinking about survival and the testing of "limits." It was here that I had a revelation, dear reader - limits are only a perception, and a luxury you cannot afford yourself if you wish to survive. But here was the real revelation - the mental and physical act of pushing through one's "limits" in a survival situation is identical to that of pushing through one's "limits" in a session of really great intercoursing.
Let me explain.
We've all been in this situation, whether we'd like to admit it or not - you're up in there, you're working your wonder show, and you feel as though the curtain is about to close after just a few minutes (and by "curtain," I mean "penis," and by "close," I mean "explode"). But you, remembering who the hell you are, gather your will, reject defeat, push forward, balance on the edge of oblivion, and go on to intercourse for another hour or so after a terrible moment's effort and uncertainty.
Being caught in a seemingly unsurvivable situation requires just such an effort. You may think that there's no way you can lift that thing to get out, that you can't hold your breath any longer, that the pain is too great to keep moving, that there are too many of them and only one of you - and as soon as such a thought enters your mind, you must banish it to the furthest regions of nothingness, remember the strength of who you are and what your name is (if you are the embodiment of the ability to accomplish impossible tasks and call upon seemingly limitless reserves - otherwise, just think positive thoughts, I guess), gather your will, reject defeat, push forward, balance on the edge of oblivion, and come out alive.

Stay Super.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Like Willie said...

Hey, Party People.
I'm currently on my way to Miami for a week on Superhero business. I'll be away from my computing box (see also, intercoursing) most, if not all, of the time.

Stay Super.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

The World Needs a Hero

In this thing called life, it's good to have heroes. Not just the Super kind, such as myself, but personal heroes - those we can look up to, emulate, and think of in our times of weakness as a source of strength. I have tried out various personal heroes throughout my life - He-Man, Splinter, Chuck Norris, Clint Eastwood, M.K. Gandhi, Bruce Lee, Eastwood a few more times - but none quite met the measure of what I needed. When I examined my life and everyone I had heard of throughout it, there was only one person - fictional or non - worthy of my emulation.
I am my own personal hero, and a damn fine one at that. At my weak moments (few though they are, especially these days), I look up to myself, think of the accomplishments and trials that JT Awesomefellow has faced in the past, and I think, "Man - that's somebody I want to be - a man of seemingly unlimited strength, endurance, fortitude, character, and charm."
Being your own personal hero keeps you on track, because of all people betwixt heaven and earth, you certainly don't want to let yourself down. And, if you are sufficiently amazing, then you will always set a high bar for yourself to live up to.
In the meantime, feel free to put me on your personal hero pedestal. I won't let you down.

It has come to my attention that some of my future students need more time for the application process. As such, I am extending the deadline by one week, you lucky Do-Gooders.

Stay Super.