Pipe Dreams

Alright, let me tell you a little something about sewers.
Now, in the movies and on TV, sewers are always these places that a) have walkways on the sides so you don't have to walk in someone's toilet water and b) have manhole covers that are wafer-thin and a simple matter to move.
This is wrong.
If you plan on sneaking through a (sanitary) sewer, do not expect anything to walk on. Chances are you will find yourself in the muck. Piece of advice: wear clothes and shoes you won't mind parting with, because once you get back to your apartment and find that there is a small hunk of some New York City stranger's poo on your favorite jeans, you'll never be able to where them again. Or probably anything you wore that night.
And manhole covers? HEAVY. They're giant discs of cast iron, and can weigh up to 350 pounds, if memory serves (though some can be light enough). The first time you have that as your only remotely realistic way out of place you don't wanna be, you're not going to be happy.
A few other things:

• NEVER NEVER NEVER go into a sewer if it's raining or may rain in the near future. It's a very easy way to drown in a place you really don't want to die.
• I've managed to avoid rats in all my travels through some miracle, but you should always be wary of them. They're highly territorial and packs of them have been known to take down small cattle.
• Really, don't go into a sanitary sewer if you can avoid it. It's totally gross. You won't feel anything near clean for at least a week or two. And you have to worry about catching all kinds of nasty diseases.
• Bring a flashlight (a lighter isn't gonna cut it) with fresh batteries. And a knife.
• As a general tip, pipes get larger in the direction the "water" is flowing (to accommodate more and more water). So if your pipe is small and you're going against the flow, you should be looking for a way out.

Stay Super.

Heroes in the house (of their own)

To all accepted and prospective students:
The JT Awesomefellow School of Superhero Arts (JASSA) does NOT offer room/board accommodations of any kind. This is an intense, year-long program of study that will meet frequently. If you are coming from out of town/state, you MUST arrange for a place to stay on your own. JASSA recommends staying with family, friends, or even other students.
A word of caution: living in NYC is expensive. Please take this into account when deciding whether or not you can afford to take these classes.

Stay Super.

To Serve and Protect You From Protecting Each Other

Let me start this off by saying that I have nothing but the utmost respect, admiration, and appreciation for the police, FBI, military, etc.
There is something very strange in our society, and in most others. It is a very strange thing, and yet so commonplace that we take it for granted and never think about it.
The people are protected by the police officers. Fine - good stuff. The people are protected only by the police officers. The people may not protect each other without being a police officer, and if they do, they are subject to punishment by police officers.
What?
We all know that helping people is a good thing - that it's the right thing. We can all understand that not everyone can defend themself against every situation, regardless of how hard they fight. We also understand that the police can't be everywhere and there are some places they aren't even "allowed" to go. That's where the vigilante comes in.
In a world where it's illegal to do what's right, what do you do?
What are you up to, say, tonight, for example?

Stay Super.

The Good, the Bad, and the Intense, Searing Pain

Saw Public Enemies the other day. There are no spoilers ahead, so don't worry.
At one point, a bad guy has been shot in the head and is in the hospital. He's screaming in pain because the bullet is pushing against his eye and inflaming his brain. One FBI guy is keeping the doctor out while another is pushing on the bad guy's eye, trying to get him to reveal some pressing (no pun intended) information. The main character seems uncomfortable with this, and it seems the intention was that the audience be so as well.
All I have to say is, Why should we be?
Let's look at the setup:
We have a crook, who regularly kills and badly maims people, mostly police officers (who protect the innocent). He deals out incredible damage and pain on a regular basis, pain similar to what he is experiencing now. He chose to do this for his own benefit - he is not a soldier or some fighter of injustice - he is a thief who has grown wealthy and comfortable on a mound of blood and skulls.
We have an FBI agent, who is trying to prevent others like this man from killing and maiming even more innocent people. He is enhancing the crook's pain - the pain being a direct result of his criminal lifestyle choice - to prevent people who have chosen good lives from suffering.
Is it okay to hurt someone who hurts others to keep good people from being hurt? Is it okay to protect and coddle someone bad if it will result in the pain and deaths of the good?
Stupid Hollywood.

Stay Super.

The Great Debate

Anyone involved in martial arts, fighting styles, etc. on any level will often find themselves endlessly debating the same thing all other fighters do - what is the best martial art form?
Most people who have only studied one form will be dead sure that the form they are studying is, hands down, the best. For people who have studied more than one form, they'll generally leverage their world of experience to tell you that what they are currently working on is the best (otherwise, why would they be doing it?). Then there's people who just read about fighting and/or watch the Discovery/History/Learning Channel and figure they know all there is to know.
Let me break it down for you, so you don't get sucked into this eternal debate (though it helps pass the time at boring parties):

1. The flashier, fancier, and/or more air-time involved, the less likely something is to be a good choice in a real life situation
2. If something is used by a bad-ass military, it's probably worth your time (see Krav Maga, MCMAP)
3. If you're being taught to kick much above someone's waist, your instructor has no worth as a human being
4. Straightening an arm or leg invites your opponent to break it
5. If the only knife defense they teach you is defense against someone bringing the knife down on you from above (as opposed to straight at you), they aren't teaching you a knife defense
6. If the martial art is used in competition, it's probably not fit for the street
7. Kicking someone in the winnebago is NOT a good opening move
8. Don't bother with books about ninjutsu or being a ninja, regardless of what any "actual ninja" reviewer says on Amazon.
   
9. Nothing is better than sex with Dr. JT Awesomefellow, D.S. (if you are female and attractive)
   

Stay Super.

Yes, there is a doctor in the house

People sure are sissies about renting out spaces for these classes. There's all this talk of general liability insurance and certification and man, does it give me a headache. Also, renting a space in NYC? Not so cheap.
Why can't it just be, "Oh, you have something wonderful to give the world? We'll be happy to help in any way we can! Also, don't worry about paying for it! Also, here is my daughter!"
But no, it's always "Exactly what kind of classes are these? ...Uh huh, and - the students are going to be doing what?"
But fear not, good citizen, the classes will begin this Fall, regardless of how the so-called civilized world would prefer it.
In other news, I've decided that it is possible to become a Doctor of Superherology (D.S.) through my school, and that I am the first one. My full and proper title is now Dr. JT Awesomefellow, D.S. However, since I am very humble by nature, I will permit my students to address me with shortened titles, such as Dr. Awesomefellow, Professor Awesomefellow, and perhaps some worthwhile nicknames if the student isn't too much of a little punk.

Stay Super.

Pet Peeve #574

Okay, so let me tell you about something that makes me want to punch people in the face.
A lot of people. You're probably one of them, so read on and watch out.
Scenario:

1. Book is published.
2. People read book.
3. Movie version of book is made.
4. People who read book see movie. People who did not read book see movie.
5. People who read book feel they are qualitatively better than people who did not read book.

So first off, eat a dick. Second off, so what if I didn't read the book? And what puts you in some elite club? You're just pissed because you went through the trouble of reading all that only to have other people get the same thing easier, quicker, and with more fun (because it's a movie, not a book).
You're not smarter than us, you're not on some insider's track, you don't possess sacred knowledge, you probably don't even have very good hygiene. You just read a book that happened to be turned into a movie. Does anyone care if you read a book that wasn't turned into a movie? Did it matter that you'd read that book before they said they were turning it into a movie? NO! It's just a book! Who cares!?

Stay Super. And not a dick.